The dog was a hunter of cats.  The river was a hunter of oceans.  They were best friends until the dog chased all the cats into the ocean.  The cats soaked up all the water and the river no longer had a purpose.  The dog didn’t like the taste of wet cat.  So the dog and the river decided to open a business selling synthetic cat flavored snacks to people inside the artificial ocean dome over by the shopping mall.  It didn’t go over so well, and they went out of business a year later.  Now they try to avoid each other at all costs even though they work at the same corporation teaching English.  Holidays are really awkward when they have to exchange gifts.  Half of an old melon and diving goggles?  Pretty cruel considering the river is diabetic and the dog cannot swim.